But in America, where I live, being skinny is being beautiful.
You need to have a small waist, big bust, and big butt to be completely accepted into this cruel country.
But in a country where media wants us to all be skinny, over 50% of the population is overweight or obese.
We've all felt "fat" at least one moment of our life. Personally, it's something I've always struggled with. Even before I saw pictures of skinny models, I knew I wanted to be skinnier. I've wanted a tiny waist for as long as I can remember.
It got worse when I hit puberty. I "blossomed" per say, before all the other girls in my grade. I hated it, I was big everywhere. My waist, my hips, my thighs. God dam I hated my thighs. I saw them as tree trunks attached to my legs.
People deal with their weight issues in different ways. Some people develop eating disorders. Others over exercise. Me? I didn't. I didn't deal with them, I ignored it. I just resigned to accepting that I'd never love myself.
My own mother seemed to not like me, she'd make me buy big baggy clothes and was always calling my a "lazy cow."
I've hated myself for many years, and in truth, in some ways I still do. But a few months ago, I had a sort of "epiphany." I had a boyfriend at the time, (but that's a different story) and we were walking through the woods. Suddenly a thought hit me, this boy next to me says he loves me, says I'm beautiful. But I don't believe him. How can someone love me, when I don't even love myself? It was the million dollar question. I've mulled it over again and again, and I still can't give you an answer.
But I can tell you that there is something in you worth loving. Maybe it's your personality, maybe it's that you care about others, or that you always help people. Everyone is loved, by someone. You might not even know who. I've realized that we NEED love. We need it to survive and maintain a good mental health. When we started to feel unloved, or rejected, that's when things like depression start to set in. And rejecting yourself, is the worse thing you can to your being. In times of trauma, we look inside to find strength and love. But when all that's in there is hatred and body issues, that's all we get back. It's like a vicious cycle. Hate, look, hate even more. People spend so much time trying to love themselves, they go the therapy, or they try more extreme methods. I can't tell you the great secret to self acceptance, I truly wish I knew, I think it's something we all need to discover fro ourselves.
And so I have one thing left to say. After you finish reading this, go to someone you love. Call them, text them, run to their house. Tell them you love them, that you accept them, and I guarantee, they will say it right back.
:))
ReplyDelete